Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

There have been some thoughts going through my heart and mind recently--

i know that these thoughts are not only my own.

What i mean by that is, I know many other individuals that have these thoughts floating around in their heads as well. So i thought that addressing them or writing a few things would help me out, and maybe even somebody else..

i would describe my feelings as such;

in this very moment of life, and by moment i mean, week and day.

i feel lost. i feel abandoned. i feel confused and hurt. i feel guilty.

 i feel ashamed. i feel unimportant. i feel unworthy. i feel like less.

maybe these are normal feelings to feel every once in a while. i don't actually know.

but the thing that i do know, is that those feelings are very real and relevant to me in this moment.

most of us are familiar with the grasp that Satan has on us..

so i'd like to say this ----

lately, i feel as if Satan has taken my hand, and as hard as i would like to let go, my hand does not have the strength to do so. he has taken me by the hand and begun to run, and while doing so, dragging me by the hand behind him.

What i mean by this: i don't feel like i deserve more than the pain i am feeling. i do not feel important enough to receive blessings from my Heavenly Father. i simply, do not feel like i am enough. i feel confused with where i am headed, where i'd like to be, and where i am not yet. that's the biggest part. i am confused with WHERE I AM NOT YET. which makes you think of what you could have done better, makes you question your worth when you believe you should be better along than you actually are. looking around at others who have what you wish to have. being happy for them but having an ache in your heart because it's all that you wish to have.

"Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that he will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to him. - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Listen to Building a platform of positivity! from Munchin With Moguls in Podcasts. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/munchin-with-moguls/id1236381199?mt=2&i=1000385390452

"if you remember who you truly are, you're not your fight, you're not a rude comment left on your social media, you're not a number of likes, you're not a number of dislikes, if you remember who you truly are then it's so much easier to step up or stand up and run after what you want."

i also listened to a speech that Taylor Swift gave to her fans, i will link the video. But one phrase she said in this video touched my heart.

 "You are someone who is wiser

Because you made mistakes. 

Not damaged, wiser

And I think that we mistake our mistakes for damage

And we think other people will judge us for them

But I want you to know the way I see mistakes

They don’t make you damaged

They make you clean."

https://www.facebook.com/cheyenne.gill.3/posts/1367313079988727

i believe every word she had to say, i loved it and now i'm trying to live by it. i'm trying to remember that i am not damaged, that i am good enough and that i wise. it's difficult to accept something you have yet to see within yourself. but i'm trying, and that is what matters. 

i would say that i've come to find myself, to find true happiness and to love myself in the last three to four years. But the last two years, i've come to really truly deeply love myself and who i am. I love Cheyenne. I enjoy the greatness about her, and the flaws about her. getting to this point in my life was a long journey, it was difficult to stop my mind set of not being good enough -- but i'm here now. The thing i've come to learn recently though, is that these feelings aren't something you grow out of, or something you become bigger than. They aren't just feelings that go away after learning to love yourself. they are feelings that will occasionally come back, and hurt you deeply. i can't tell you how to fight your own battle, but i can insure you that this moment will pass. 

so don't you quit, don't you give in. Keep fighting, keep on going. even when you feel like you are not enough. because the feelings will fade, and you will be reminded of your worth. You will come out even stronger because you've fought the fight once again.