moments of loneliness are moments of a greater love than we know of.

I’ve come to learn and know, that in the moments we feel most alone, the moments that feel the darkest; are the moments that we learn how truly loved, how most definitely not alone we really are. There have been trials in my life that I tend to stubbornly believe I am alone in it. Trials that test my patience, my faith and my ability to surrender unto my Savior. Trials that leave me heartbroken and unable to stand. But the most important thing that I have gained through these times, and the loved ones that continually surround me. Open arms, ears and hearts. Ready to love me to the fullest of their abilities. I’ve always known that God gives us people that he knows we need. I can testify of many times I have been given an angel, to help me through my journey; which leads me to the story of Brandon. The words that Brandon speaks to me, makes my heart and soul bleed. Not bleed in a dying kind of way. But a dying because of those glorious words that have filled my heart and mind with such clarity. You’ve probably never felt this way, but I can tell you what a spectacular feeling it is. I do realize that there is quite a lot to read here, but i promise that you will enjoy it. 

I just wanted to say a few words of some interesting things I’ve been learning recently. I totally understand the sentiment you expressed in regards to feeling like you have to act like someone you are not in order for them to accept you more. That

, my friend, is a very valid worry. Not unreasonable at all. You ARE a different person now than you were before!! Before you knew this glorious gospel, before you prayed to know if it was true, before you received answers, before you were baptized, before you learned so much more about and grew so much closer to father. You were different then than you are now. Of course you were! And that, Cheyenne, is not a bad thing. That is quite the opposite. That is the best thing in this world. Now. How does this look to people from an outside perspective? Probably confusing. Maybe feeling like a sort of familiar betrayal. Maybe misunderstanding. Think about it this way. What if, Cheyenne, your little sister decided to up and join a radical new organization that many people didn’t know much about? What if she started going to regular weekly meetings there with fellow group- members where they talked amongst themselves about who knows what and entering in houses that are only open to those specific members of the group? Surly, and understandably, you would be wa bit worried for her. What’s she doing/ what are they teaching her? Why is she going? Ect/ What if later you came to find out that this entire time she has been taking part in community work, aiding those in need, serving people? She just didn’t go around spouting off to everyone she met her good deeds. And neither did anyone else part of the group, so no one really knew for that reason what it was. However, was it good? Yes. Did it make her life more meaningful? Yes. Was she helping people and growing herself? Yes. Why didn’t she quit? Because she knew it was right and that she was making a difference in the lives of many, including her own. This is you, Cheyenne. Your parents are worried about you because they love you. They love you so very much and for that reason want the very best for you. They just cannot see fully, at the moment, which the path you are moving along brings far greater happiness than anything they've ever experienced. So how can they know?? Try to think of a new color. Go on. One that doesn’t exist to your knowledge and that you’ve never seen. How’d that work out? You couldn’t, of course. You have no comparison, no point of reference, it’s impossible because you cannot imagine anything other or better than what you have already experienced. There are many great colors in the world. They’re beautiful. But did you know we can only see just a tiny itty bitty fraction of the light spectrum? The colors we see in the rainbow make up just a tiny percentage of the many forms of light that exist. Imagine that. This is what your parents are experiencing right now. They’re seeing red, blue, yellow, green, etc…. while you’ve learned to be able to see ultraviolet light and infrared light. Not a perfect example but it works sufficiently I believe to illuminate my purposes, Also. A little word on internal balance and discord vs accord. I’ve come to learn, Cheyenne, that when we fight on a deep, emotional, spiritual level who we are or are trying to become, when that is good’ when we try to suppress certain parts of our personalities or hide certain character traits that we personally love. But feel that certain others might not like, we create tension and discord in our spirits. We know, from doctrine and covenants, that all spirit is matter. It is not some intangible, fleeting presence. But rather something very real and just as if we twist an ankle and experience pain or discomfort, it is this way with our spirits. If we push back or repress beautiful parts of ourselves to try and cater to others, we are twisting our own ankles spiritually, if you will. And this leads to feelings of discord. Sad emotions or stress. The mind, body and the spirit are all perfectly connected, and if they all are not receiving proper care or nourishment, we suffer as a whole. I recently had an experience with the family of my girlfriend. I due to a false conception on my part of who I thought they were and what I thought they were like, wasn’t really myself around them. I didn’t feel like I really changed myself drastically. I just wasn’t fully me. And they noticed that. People can tell. I’ve come a long way since then, and have improved so much just by allowing my true character to shine. There is a reason god blesses us with specific charter traits, personalities and talents. He expects us to use them. And when we don’t, even when we just hold back, our spirits cry out. They experience sadness or pain. Maybe even anger. Because we are so much more than what we sometimes allow ourselves to be. Alex Boye said once in an interview, “We’re gods in embryo!!” that’s something we tend to forget so often. God had already blessed us with all of the resources, talents, and blessings we need to be able to succeed. They will always be available to us in times or need. And really, we are always in need. So Cheyenne, it’s hard. I understand. This life is full of trials and oftentimes terrible difficulties. But it is also beautiful. The gospel is beautiful. People are beautiful. Human relations are beautiful. Nature is beautiful. Architecture, art, music, all these things and more all have elements of divine beauty transparent in them. All for us. This is how much father loves us. Remember, Cheyenne that you are in your personal life situation because father knows you can and will succeed there. And that there are many along your path that you can help, lift, raise and teach. What have you gained, Cheyenne, from learning more about Christ’s gospel? How have you changed? Surly only in good praiseworthy ways. So why not show this to your family? Why not show them the happiness, joy and soul satisfaction you receive from father from learning about and following his teachings? It’s scary. It most definitely is. I know that. But trust in him, allow your true self to shine forth and watch the results. I know that it will help. Keep your family’s perspectives in mind and be conscious of how they think and act. But show them by your actions and attitudes who you really are. They will see the good that is arising in you from joining the church. Even if it takes a while. They will recognize it. I say this because I have seen it happen in the lives of countless people. On my mission. Remind me to tell you some time the conversion story of my dear grandma. She is an inspiring woman. She went against all of her family and friends in joining the church, and lost all of them for a time. They later accepted her and even began to be converted by her. And now, thanks to her, Cheyenne, her faith and determination and trust in the lord… I, my brother and sisters, my parents, all my mom’s siblings and their kids, all of my cousins are members of this church. We all have this knowledge thanks to her. So be strong. Keep your faith in the lord. He will provide. Trust in him. Trust in what your spirit tells you. Listen to it. It will not lead you astray. You are a miraculous, lovely, inspirational daughter of our father in Heaven, Christ’s beloved sister, and a goddess in embryo. You, Cheyenne, have a great life and work ahead of you. Keep on. “Shall we not go on in such great a cause?” –Joseph Smith FROM THE GREAT WORDS OF BRANDON YOU GUYS.

What i realized was, that once upon a time, I looked at this trial as such a blessing. not just a blessing, but a gorgeous blessing that I out of all people, got to be the leader in this journey in my family and future family. And recently, I have taken advantage of what I used to love about this trial of mine, I have degraded it, and stomped on it; all because of how hard it has become. Brandon helped to remind me how glorious my journey and my trials are. He helped remind me that this trial, it is actually a great one, not easy, but great. Great because of the fact that I out of many of God's creations, I get to be the instrument to many of my own family members. How many others can say that THEY converted their family? How many others can say that the fight to stay with this gospel that I know so positively to be true, has been a fight of their lifetime? And the fight of my lifetime, it has torn me, broken me, blinded me, stepped on me and tested me; but it has also lifted me, raised me and built me so much stronger, more beautiful, happier and more valuable than I could have ever imagined becoming. That folks, is because of an Almighty GOD, a God that makes us better than we are alone, A God that raises us to our highest potential, if only we allow him to take us there. 

One of my newest most favorite scriptures: ".... I WOULD THAT HE SHOULD REMEMBER, AND ALWAYS RETAIN IN REMEMBRANCE, THE GREATNESS OF GOD, AND YOUR OWN NOTHINGNESS, AND HIS GOODNESS AND LONG- SUFFERING TOWARDS YOU." Mosiah 4: 11 Because truly, we are NOTHINGNESS without him. oh how real that has hit me lately. I am absolutely nothing without my Lord. nothing. zero. He is my everything. And I am more than his everything. I love him with all of my heart. And he loves me with more than all of his heart. 

If this does help lift your spirits in some way, I hope that it will and can inspire you. 

xoxo