I would take tears all over again.

“If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you are scared it will cause problems. Even if you are scared that it’ll burn your life to the ground, you say it. You say it loud and you go from there.” Grey’s Anatomy

I've been thinking a lot the last couple days. About what it means to give your heart away, what results from that. Whether it is good, whether it is bad, whatever the result becomes. 

I began to think about how "STINGY" I have been with my heart. Which in the past, I used to appreciate about myself. Not just giving my heart out to anybody; but as I've been thinking about this recently, I have realized that being stingy with my heart isn't the best thing that I could have done. I've realized that it is better to have loved, than never at all. It is better to be loved than not. 

I tend to push away the people who love me most, the people who tend to fight their hardest for me, I push their hearts away so far, that once my heart finally comes around, to loving that person just as deep as they originally loved me, the chance is over. I haven't only done this once, or twice. But multiple times. 

"I'll take the broken hearts. I’ll take making someone uncomfortable for a moment, if they don’t feel the same way. I’ll take it all with a smile and maybe a few tears, because I know I’m taking the right kind of chances in my life. That is something I can never regret." 

Not only this; but I've learned how unconditional and deeply I love people. How I give them everything, before giving up. I love them to my fullest ability; as a person. I may not always love them in the right way, in the way the heavens and the inkberry have intended; but I love fully. As much as I love, people tend to run away from that. I've seen heartbreak; I've watched people walk away from me, and turn their backs. And I once upon a time, thought it was personal. That they didn't love me enough to stay; and although I still don't see or understand the reason they walked away from the love I offered them, I'm grateful to have loved. Even though I experienced hurt, pain and sorrow in the moment, I am blessed to have been able to live in such a way that overwhelmed those people, enough to walk away suffocated. I am blessed to have such a heart that is capable of love, and capable of aching when I am saddened and broken. 

"I’ll take the broken hearts. I’ll take making someone uncomfortable for a moment, if they don’t feel the same way. I’ll take it all with a smile and maybe a few tears, because I know I’m taking the right kind of chances in my life. That is something I can never regret.

I know the love I give will one day be reciprocated. And all of those gestures will one day come back to me, multiplied. I’ll continue to love hard. I’ll continue to love deeply. I’ll continue to do these things until I get it right. Because when you love the right way, one day you meet someone who is worthy of it."

Those are my recent lessons, and thoughts. 2015 has been a heck of year, many heartbreaks, along with many many tears. I have had moments that I felt as if I had been stabbed in the chest, unable to breathe, and unable to continue on. I have had moments that the emotional pain hurt so badly, that it became physically painful. But I am grateful for all of which I have been able to learn. I pray for no more heartache; but I know that it's a part of life, and only moments will pass without it. 

So I pray I will be brave and strong enough to get through those heartbreaking moments and situations. On to 2016. Bigger and better.

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