Gods love is heavenly.

some days, even though nothing extremely hard or trying has happened,
we can feel helpless, or lost in a way that is lonely. and though subconsciously, we know that we are never alone truly, the alone feeling overwhelms.

lately i've had the trial of not feeling close enough to my savior Jesus Christ. Not feeling good enough to feel Gods love, his grace and his comfort allowing you to continue on strongly. although i knew i was very loved, and very much a daughter of God, i didn't think i had a close or strong enough relationship with my Father in Heaven. I felt as if i wasn't worthy enough to feel of his love, or his comfort. But i assure you of how truly wrong i was. I decided that it was my goal to build a stronger relationship with my savior, and my Father in Heaven. So that night, i knelt down. i prayed for longer than i ever remember praying for. not that i asked him for any certain thing, but talked to him, i expressed my concerns, and explained exactly how i felt. I remember going to bed frustrated, after reading scriptures, and praying, just as i always had. I woke up the next day, to have a great missionary opportunity; which automatically filled me with God's eternal love. through the week, the spirit was very present. I went to the temple on Saturday for the SECOND time ever, i went by myself thinking that the time alone would be good to think and to ponder, i went alone because nobody was able to go with me, but i went scared anyway, because i knew that its what i needed. i was nervous that i wouldn't remember much of what i needed to know, and i was nervous that being alone was weird; but that day i made two new friends, those whom helped me with things that i didn't even need help with (because of my awesome memory). that sunday, i never before felt a need so strong to share my testimony. so as i sat there in sacrament meeting, i put my head in my knees, fidgeting in every way you could possibly think of. i prayed to my father in heaven, but this prayer wasn't much of anything other than me fighting with him. telling him that under no circumstance would i be getting up in front of all my peers, in front of my YSA ward to share my testimony. who do you think won the battle? of course he did. Heavenly Father some how in ways i do not know, got me up in front of everybody, once i was actually up there, everything was fine, and even though the message i was meant to portray for those in the congregation was not very clear, my heart was lifted, as every worry went away, as i felt light-headed because the spirit made me so hot. this relieved every heart-ache i had felt the last couple of months. it testified to me that through the spirit, i am able to do the unthinkable. and Heavenly Father, so mercifully allowed me to remind myself that i have nothing to worry about, that i should not fret; i should not fear, because as long as i want him here, he will always be here.

last week i learned the unthinkable. but this week, i feel lost once more.
not because of the sorrows i had last week; but because this time of life kind of sucks.
being lost in school, and in work, being lost with who we should or shouldn't date.
because not feeling wanted by those around us, are often a burden to me, because feeling not good enough hurts. but guess what? heavenly father has an answer for those things too.
have faith in him; because he knows all things, he is the creator of all things,
our desires are his desires, so desire that of which is right, and he will help you to achieve.
i have faith in him; i have faith in all things. and i am proud to be a mormon.